Sorry for not writing sooner.Last Wednesday, we were back in at PMH to receive the results from Oliver's 12-month post-treatment CT and PET scans. Our amazing little man is still clear of any cancer, and must now only have a finger prick blood test each time we head back in, which will be progressively less over the coming years.
I was surprised by the amount of relief the results gave me. Oliver has been so very well over the last 12 months, and in fact has effectively been cancer free for the majority of his treatment. I didn't realise how much his cancer sat on my shoulder, taunting me, whispering in my ear 'maybe that sniffle is because of me' - 'he's not looking so crash hot, maybe I'm back'. But Oliver continues to go from strength to strength, from cheekiness to cheekiness.
I adore my son. Yes, I am so very biased, but he is the cutest, funniest, most intelligent and sharp little boy I know. Tonight as he fought going to bed, he cried from his room - ' Mummy. Daddy. I need some milk.' When we didn't respond, he didn't keep calling out for it, he matter-of-factly said ' You're supposed to give me some milk.' As if to say, I've asked for it, it's your job to give me what I want.
I love that he asks me to sing to him - to sing 'Morningtown'. This is a song I hoped he would grow to love - a lullaby about little boys and girls snuggling in to bed on a train trip to Morningtown. Now, he sits on my lap as I rock him back and forth, and we sing together. I feel as if I could hold him forever.
And so now, our lives go on. Oliver will continue to grow and charm his way through life, oblivious to this chapter until a time when he can maybe comprehend it. Karli and I will continue to struggle with putting this experience behind us, to not listen to the voice in our heads saying 'MAYBE, JUST MAYBE!' To free our beautiful little boy from being our baby with cancer, and to let him be a little boy - no labels, no past, just a bright and unwritten future for us to encourage and support him through.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. Thankyou for your support. For your prayers, your meals, your generous gifts, your encouraging words. Thankyou for enabling us to be able to focus all of our energy on our son.
In 4 weeks I will be off to France with 19 others as we attempt to climb Mont Blanc and raise money for the children's cancer ward at PMH, but that can be another blog.
