Fed Up - Karli's Version

Hello Everyone

It's not that I think Simon's take on being fed up is inaccurate, but I thought I would like my voice to be heard also and probably more because I have had such a crap day & evening. Since Saturday Oliver has been very demanding, miserable and wanting regular Mummy cuddles, on Saturday I think I had some superhuman energy and I buzzed around doing all manner of jobs and I wasnt bothered by Oliver's neediness. Since then it has grown tiring, the poor little fellow has been miserable for 3 days, regular whinging with snippets of play in between. Do not be fooled, there has been smiles and an occasional chuckle, but nothing like the little boy we normally see.

Tonight, he cried from the moment I got him up, changed his nappy, fed him dinner and only stopped crying once I gave him sweets. I had already been teary this afternoon because I was fed up with it all, but seeing my little one so miserable, it didnt take long for the tears to spring to life once again.

Oliver has recently taken a shining to the moon (pardon the pun) and will point out the window, wanting to see the moon. This is very cute and we are constantly amazed at his intelligence, from having seen the moon a couple of times to grabbing hold of that and wanting to see it regularly, however due to daylight saving, he is asleep before the moon rises, a little disappointing. But he seems satisfied with Mummy & Daddy's answers of the moon is hiding behind the clouds or the moon is sleeping - arent children adorable?

It seems Oliver's side effects have capitulated this afternoon, in sweats and an itchy neck - possibly caused by excess sweating. He had his last dose of steroids tonight, so from tomorrow things will start to settle down.

Well we have managed another cycle, only 4 more to go. I feel at this stage it will only be the grace of God that gets us through, for we are well and truly fed up, as is our little man. He is sick of mouth care, screams when we try and do anything with his neck and cries most of the time when I am changing his nappy. I messaged a friend today saying that I was angry with God and she said well it would seem odd if I wasnt, our life wasnt meant to be like this.

I admit to having doubts of late as to Gods goodness as I watch my son suffer through chemotherapy. In the beginning I clung to God, feeling I had nowhere else to go, now I am angry that we are going through this in the first place.

The saving grace this evening was a delightfully delicious Shepherds Pie made by my husband, I admit that he does most of the cooking these days and he does a fabulous job of it! Last night we had steak, with a mushroom gravy, mashed potato, mashed sweet potato with spinach & honied carrots - Yum! I look forward to a cuppa and some chocolate this evening. I imagine it being Easter and all that I might not be the only one indulging in a smidgen of chocolate or more. I wrote in an email before the weekend that I hoped everyone had the chance to reflect on Jesus over the Easter weekend and I confess to not even having read over the Easter story.

Well this is me, warts and all, I appreciate your listening ear and your encouraging comments to let us know that you are following our journey.

Thank you for your love and support.

Lots of Love

Karli