There comes a day in every child's life that they realise their dad isn't a superhero. It has happened far too soon for Oliver. As he grows up over the next 12 months he will become aware that there are things that hurt that dad can't save him from, and things that dad will let happen to him, and maybe even help do to him. I was looking forward to being a superhero. To be invincible in my little boys eyes. To be the strongest man in the world. For Oliver he will always know the reality.
My dad is a superhero. There's nothing he can't do around the house. If I ever need anything done around the house harder than changing a light globe then I'll call my dad. Sure I'll try to help out, but I'll always be the sidekick. If something needs fixing or building then there's no better man for the job than my dad. My father-in-law is a superhero. No-one else is as wise when it comes to finances and no-one has taught me the simple rules of handling money better. He also has some superpowers in the household repair arena.
Four times a day Oliver's dad takes cotton swabs soaked in antiseptic mouthwash, puts them in his mouth, and washes the inside of his already sore mouth. Oliver's dad sits by patting him on the side as he breathes through a thickshake of mucus, unable to do anything remotely constructive. Oliver's dad hands him over to be put to sleep at the hands of a gang of adults all dressed in weird clothes. Oliver's dad lets him be poked and prodded and squeezed and man-handled at all hours of the day and night by smiling assassins who come across all nice and sweet as the inject various concoction's into his veins. Oliver's dad is more super-villain than superhero.
I hear the other kids in the ward. They cry and scream as the are given their medications. They know that they are in for more pain and discomfort, and that there will be more in a few days time. They yell out, protesting in vain against the chemicals they have to take, the mouth washing they have to do. They vomit and lose their hair. And their parents sit by and watch, leaving only to head to the pan room carrying their child's waste to be tested to see if maybe a different chemical needs to be used. Last week a small child cried out to their parents, begging them to stop killing her. I wonder what is happening for Oliver, if he ever thinks that. Even though he can't tell us where he hurts, he also can't tell us how much we are causing the pain.
Sometimes I think that we have it better than parents with older kids. Oliver probably won't remember any of this in a few years time. And he can't protest, and yell and scream and chuck tantrums. He doesn't really have any brighter days before all this began that he can probably remember and compare it all too. But then, he can't tell us where it hurts. How it feels. What he would like. What would make him feel better. The truth is no-one here has it any better than anyone else. Each of us is struggling with the reality that our child's innocence has been rudely stripped away and that they are now exposed to the stark reality that there are things in life that no-one can save them from - not even their dad.
4 comments:
Hi Simon, Karls & Ollie,
You're all amazing in my book! Edging on 'super heroes'. You are going through such an unbelievably awful time, but despite that, S&K you are bringing so much comfort to Ollie, your gentle touch, familiar voices (especially when you sing!), giggles, cuddles, smooches and games. Ollie is blessed indeed to have such loving and caring parents.
Snoozles xox
PS. Just use that 'hot pink' pen whenever you need to. ;-p
Son you will always be a SUPERHERO to your little man,no matter what you do in life just remember you are doing it all for him and oneday he will realise and know that all of the things you are doing today have brought him to where he is on that day,& without all the things you have done wether it be nasty or good he would not be able to be out there playing footy,surfing,golfing,bike riding,climbing mountains & the many other things with his SUPERHERO of a father.
JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE HIS SUPERHERO DAD.
And this Dad thanks you for your words,it is sons like you and your brothers that help men like me be SUPERHERO"s for their kids
A man once said:
It is surmounting difficulties that makes heroes.
This my brother, is what you are doing, what you have been doing and since I've known you for almost 28 years of life, I know it is what you will continue to do. A hero can do this once, a superhero will do it day after day. So without even knowing, you are a superhero. Not only mine but everyone who knows you. Especially Oliver!
hi there
i came across your blog from sue smith
and i had to comment on this post
your words speak volumes to me at the moment. while our children have different reasons for being in hospitals i only to well know the cries you speak of and the feelings of not being the super hero your children think u to be
your not alone
i wish your little one well
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