The Pram Walk

Instead of doing ‘The Time Warp’ we are doing ‘The Pram Walk’. Oliver has decided that unless Mum or Dad are pushing the pram or patting him in his cot he will not sleep. As most of you know this goes completely against my parenting regime from before we came into hospital. Oliver would self settle and I never patted him to sleep, I always left the room before he fell asleep. However obviously here things are different and if we want Oliver to get any sleep, which of course we do as an overtired child thrown into the mix with steroids is a recipe for disaster, then we are locked into the time consuming art of sleep settling. So at the moment Simon is sleeping and I am on the first part of Oliver watch, starting at roughly 8pm and going until 1am. Simon then does 1am till 7am. So not only does Simon have the longer shift but at a more difficult hour, but me no complain as I don’t think I could do it the other way round.
You might well ask well how can she be writing to us now if she is supposed to be on Oliver watch, well I did the pram walk, he fell asleep, I stopped to put my jumper on and he remained asleep, so I thought brilliant, onto the computer I go as I didn’t see the point in lying down and trying to get to sleep only to be interrupted by Mr Grumpy Pants wanting me to get moving again.

It is so hard, I have to remember that it is not Olivers fault that he is so grumpy, but honestly to hear him scream is headache inducing and is most definitely testing my patience. Simon on the other hand I believe he has the patience of a saint as he will sit next to Olivers cot and pat him while he screams his head off, me I am busting to get out of the room and away from it. The difficulty also is defining what is going on for our little man, tonight we were getting desperate and gave him extra feed, pain relief, teething gel, a hot pack and contemplated anti nausea medicine. The doctors and nurses are guessing too and rely on us for a lot of Olivers cues which can sometimes feel like a highly pressured situation, when whether your child gets more or less morphine is up to you.

I feel that I should add something positive about now to make you all feel better, but honestly it is a pretty shit ride at the moment, as you can well imagine. The lighter moments consist of Simon and I trying to whisper and create our own sign language to talk in the room while Oliver sleeps. I cant even get a nice cuddle with Oliver on my shoulder at the moment, he is too restless, he will sit back in my arms and play with my face which is nice but not peaceful enough to have a cuddle. When he does smile and laugh, I look at him and think he is manic because it is usually before or after a fit of crying which more often than not now is screaming. It is like having a horror child and it is awful because I start thinking things like bring back the morphine, which he has been completely weaned off now, which increases our chances of being let out of this place.

So just like most situations you have to take the good with the bad, probably the most positive thing I can say. Thank you all for your love and support, because that is what keeps us going at this excruciatingly difficult time.

Well, I am off to make my ooh lets just say 16th cup of tea for the day to have some quiet contemplation before bed. God Bless you all and sleep tight. Love Karli